Comforting Numbness

I had a long day, full of studying and a soreness penetrating throughout my body from lugging 2 bags worth of textbooks and a laptop around. In the evening I met up with my family who were having fish and chips for dinner. I used to love going there as a kid, I would always have my fish fingers and chips with the 'special' seasoning, and then finish it off with a kids cone (ice-cream). Tonight I wasn't temped at all, I sat there while they ate. Almost fearful of being near the food in case someone the grease would be absorbed into my body. I can't imagine how I ever enjoyed it before.

Once I got home I went in to have a shower. I watched myself in the mirror as I took off each item of clothing. Now I know that sounds slightly perverted but it has become a ritual for me. It is like unwrapping a present, with each piece of clothing a new body part would be revealed. When i took off my jumper i could see my jagged shoulders, when i took off my shirt I could see the ribs creating a wave pattern along my back. There is something beautiful about seeing the bones through your skin, as discussing as it sounds. It calms me, makes me feel serene, at peace. Then again that peacefulness may just be caused by me not eating all day and overexerting myself.

I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my body again, I don't particularly care if I step on the scales tomorrow and the number hasn't dropped. Mind you if it goes up then that is a completely different matter. But for now I am content with this body, and the numbness maintaining it provides me.

Another day, another cloudy memory...